The Reason You Don’t Say No

Women are socialized and conditioned to put other people's needs before their own.

You've probably also been taught you should be accommodating and agreeable. You may have been told that outright or have noticed over the years you get positive feedback when you do whatever others ask of you.

It's certainly okay to choose to do things for other people.

It becomes a problem when you do so at your own expense.

Because it leads to burnout and resentment. Not to mention the compound effect on your energy and wellbeing when you don't make yourself a priority.

So why aren't you saying no?

The simple answer is guilt.

I hear from so many of you in so many situations - "I don't want to do it but I feel guilty saying no".

You think the guilt is inevitable.

You can either say yes and feel resentful or say no and feel guilty.

Because you think saying no means something about you.

If you say no it makes you a bad wife, mom, daughter, coworker, friend, third cousin twice removed.

Instead of just a woman who knows what she wants (and doesn't want) and says so.

Which makes sense because it's what the patriarchy has conditioned you to believe.

If they hadn't told women saying no was selfish how could they have gotten so much unpaid labor out of us for centuries?

Start checking in with yourself when you want to say no but tell yourself you shouldn't. What are you making it mean about you?

If your daughter or best-friend were in the same situation would you make it mean the same about her?

Challenge your conditioning by looking for ways saying no might not mean what you're telling yourself it does.