An Ineffective Response

Yesterday was the 4th of July. Also known as the worst day of the year for one member of my family. My dog, Wyatt.

Like many dogs, he's completely terrified of fireworks.  Once evening hit, fireworks were going off everywhere which caused Wyatt to run frantically around the house barking at high volume. I tried all of the dog mom tricks - doggy Xanax, distractions, petting, etc. 

After an hour of failed attempts to get him to calm down, I decided to try coaching.

I asked him if barking at the fireworks was actually making anything better.

He responded by barking louder.

Because in his dog brain, he believed he was in actual danger from the loud noises. He didn't believe he was safe in his house with his mom. So he thought the best solution was to bark as loud as possible to keep the danger away.

Of course, his solution was ineffective. It didn't make the fireworks end any faster. And frankly, made both of us miserable.

This isn't just a dog thing.

Humans also try to protect themselves from "danger" - like fear of what other people think.

When you're thinking about putting yourself first, your brain does the same thing Wyatt's did when he heard fireworks. It tells you you're in danger and you need to do something about it. It probably shows up as guilt that keeps you from trying or worry others will think you’re selfish.

It's the human equivalent of running around the house barking. It creates a lot of noise and drama trying to protect yourself from something that can't actually hurt you. It's an ineffective response.

I coach my clients (much more effectively than my dog!) so they can get out of the fear and drama and start prioritizing themselves.