Setting Holiday Boundaries

As we hit the home stretch of the holiday season, I've been coaching my clients quite a bit on boundaries and how to set them.

What I've noticed is often when someone believes they are setting a boundary, what they are really doing is giving an ultimatum or trying to manipulate someone else's behavior.

Let's look at an example. (I'm going to use Christmas because it's the holiday my family celebrates, but it applies to any holiday or family gathering.)

You believe you're setting a boundary when you tell your mom you don't want to feel rushed on Christmas morning so the earliest you'll be available for Christmas dinner is 2 pm. The next day a text goes out to the family group chat saying Christmas dinner is at noon.

How would you respond? 

Would it be something like? I told her my boundary, but she's not respecting it. Or? I can't believe she’s still starting at noon even though I said I wouldn't be there.

If so, then you haven't actually set a boundary.

A boundary isn't about what someone else does. It's about your response to what they do.

In other words, your family can start dinner at any time they want. You just won't arrive before 2 pm because it's what you've decided to do.

If it's truly a boundary, enforcing it feels calm and rational.

Which is different from feeling angry and annoyed they didn't accommodate your timeline. That leads to things calling your mom trying to tell her how you feel or convince her to change the time.

Instead, you feel comfortable arriving at the time you'd set even though they've decided to start earlier. Without drama. Even if they try to convince you to change your mind and do things their way.

Because you feel clear about your reasons and grounded in your decision.

Witchy tip: You can also add a layer of energetic protection around yourself as you set and enforce boundaries. Envision drawing a circle around you that represents your boundary. Nothing can come within the circle unless you let it. This keeps you in the calm eye of the storm regardless of how chaotic the hurricane of other people around you becomes.

I help my clients set and enforce boundaries during the holidays and all year. So they can create a life full of the things they choose and free from drama and unnecessary obligation.