Women are socialized and conditioned to put other people's needs before their own.
You've probably also been taught that you should be accommodating and agreeable. You may have been told that outright or have just notices over the years that you get positive feedback when you do whatever it is that others ask of you.
It's certainly okay to choose to do things for other people.
It becomes a problem when you do so at your own expense.
That leads to burnout and resentment. Not to mention the compound effect on your energy and wellbeing when you don't make yourself a priority.
So why aren't you saying no?
The simple answer is guilt.
I hear from so many of you in so many situations - "I don't want to do it but I feel guilty saying no".
You think the guilt is inevitable.
That you can either say yes and feel resentful or say no and feel guilty.
Because you think saying no means something about you.
That if you say no it makes you a bad wife, mom, daughter, coworker, friend, third cousin twice removed.
Instead of just a woman who knows what she wants (and doesn't want) and says so.
Which makes sense because it's what the patriarchy has conditioned you to believe.
If they hadn't told women that saying no was selfish how could they have gotten so much unpaid labor out of us for centuries?
Start checking in with yourself when you want to say no but tell yourself you shouldn't. What are you making it mean about you?
If your daughter or best-friend were in the same situation would you make it mean that about her?
Challenge your conditioning by looking for ways that saying no might not mean what you're telling yourself it does.
Next week I'll be talking about how to confidently say no. And then we'll tie it all together at Witch's Brew on the 18th where our topic is Saying No Without Guilt.
Let's take this even further. As your coach I can help you say yes without resentment and no without guilt. We'll create boundaries that feel good to you and implement strategies so you can enforce them clearly and calmly.
Let's get started. Schedule a consult to get started so we can talk about working together.
During the consult we'll talk about what you're looking for and what's missing. I'll lay out a process to help you get there. And then we'll decide if we want to move forward. Either way, you'll get info about your chart and some strategies you can implement right away.
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