How to Say No
When someone asks you to do something and you don't want to do it, how do you say no?
The answer is really, really simple. You say "no".
That's all there is to it.
Even though it's simple, for most of you, and for women in general, it's not easy.
Last week I talked about the reason you don't say no - guilt. But let's say you've put your big girl panties on and decided that you are going to say no to someone.
Why does it feel so hard to actually say it?
It's because you think you need to give a reason. And not just any reason, but a good reason.
So instead of saying no and leaving it at that, you try to come up with a story that you think the other person will find acceptable.
It's the end of the school year and the kids just have so many things going on, I can't add one more right now.
I'm completely swamped at work. Bob quit so I'm doing his job and mine plus I'm traveling almost every week so I probably won't be able to help.
I had 237 things on my calendar today, I have a migraine and I think my dog is sick so I can't make it tonight.
You've been conditioned to think that whether or not you want to do something is irrelevant.
When in reality, "I don't want to" is the only reason you ever need in order to say no.
And you don't owe anyone an explanation.
I was invited to an event next week and I don't want to go. That's my only reason for not going. When I RSVPed I said "No, but thank you for the invite".
No reason. No explanation. Because it isn't necessary.
I challenge you to do the same thing.
If you don't want to do something or go somewhere say no.
Clearly, succinctly and without justifying it.
Each time you do it, it will get a little bit easier. And chip away at the layers of patriarchal conditioning that have taught you that what you want doesn't matter.
We'll be talking more about how to say no at Witch's Brew this Thursday, May 18. Our topic is Saying No Without Guilt.
Let's take this even further. As your coach I can help you say no clearly, succinctly and easily without justifying to yourself or anyone else. We'll create boundaries that feel good to you and implement strategies so you can enforce them clearly and calmly.
Let's get started. Schedule a consult to get started so we can talk about working together.
During the consult we'll talk about what you're looking for and what's missing. I'll lay out a process to help you get there. And then we'll decide if we want to move forward. Either way, you'll get info about your chart and some strategies you can implement right away.